Ways to support your anxious child/teenager during the pandemic

This is a challenging time for everyone, so I thought it might be helpful to put together some ideas of how to help an anxious child or teenager.  It can feel overwhelming to parent an anxious child but giving them tools to cope will greatly benefit them.  

Anxiety can present itself in different ways.  Here are some ways it can show up:

1.  Anger

2.  Difficulty sleeping

3.  Defiance

4.  Avoidance

5.  Lack of focus

6.  Negativity

7.  Over planning

8.  Flying off the handle for no reason

Here are some ideas for that can help:

Mindfulness

Prior to lockdown I was running mindfulness workshops, and these were set up in particular for the anxious child/teenager.  One of the things that they all loved were the mindfulness meditations.  This is a great way tohelp slow down racing thoughts, let go of negativity, and calm both mind and body.  It’s about being in the present moment and giving yourself a moment to get out of your head and out of the flight or fight response.  

You can find lots of information on the internet about mindfulness and there are some great exercises you can do with kids/teenagers.  One of my favourites (and it’s great to use in situations where they’re feeling anxious) is just to stop, take some deep breaths and look around and notice 5 things you can see, then 4 things you can hear, 3 things you can feel, 2 things you can smell and finally 1 thing you can taste.  It helps you to slow down and be in the moment.This activity brings us into the present and by counting the items, it helps to interrupt the spinning of our thoughts.

Be open and honest 

As parents we want to protect our children and we don’t want to bother them with things that don’t concern them.  

I had a client recently who was worried about her son (3 years old) as he was showing signs of anxiety.  One thing that came out of the conversation was that if he saw she was upset, he would ask her if she was ok and she would always say she was fine.  We are all guilty of this and our intentions are good but actually for a child it’s mixed messages and for them it doesn’t add up.  This then can make him feel anxious as they don’t understand why mum said she was fine and yet looked so upset?  Maybe now he doesn’t feel so safe because he doesn’t fully understand what’s going on and he’s too little to articulate?   

If his mum had acknowledged that she was feeling a little bit upset with someone from work, then that would have validated what he sensed, and he would have most likely gone about his business and not had any kind negative reaction.

So, if your child can see that you’re upset or angry about something, try letting them know why.  You don’t need to include all the details, just give a quick explanation and let them know it’s not to do with them.  

Creativity and hobbies

Creativity is a great way to help release unwanted emotions and it’s also a natural mindful activity as it brings you into the moment.  A great way to relieve yourself of stress and anxiety as your focus is put on something else.  Creativity can include painting, gardening, cooking, playing a musical instrument etc. 

Hobbies can work in the same way; they bring you into the moment.  You can encourage your child/teenager to get interested in a hobby. Here is a link with a list of ideas https://www.familybreakfinder.co.uk/activities/50-hobbies-for-kids/

Nature

Get your kids out into nature as much as possible.  If you’re lucky enough to have a garden, then get them to help you with the gardening.  If you have young children, they will most likely love being outdoors and if you have teenagers it might be more of a challenge to get them out.  I remember one woman telling me that her son was so anxious that he wouldn’t leave the house until one day she used the pokemon app to venture out and find the pokemon with him.  Slowly they walked further from the house each time they went out until he no longer had an issue with leaving the house.  The app distracted him initially until he no longer needed it.

Getting out in nature is so important and it is a great way to boost the immune system, increase self-esteem, increase positive feelings, reduce anxiety and lift the spirits. It can also help to reduce feelings of isolation and promote calm.

Nutrition

Eating well is very important.  If you have a sensitive child/teenager then it’s possible that they are also sensitive to certain foods.  There are a lot of articles out there on healthy diets and supplements for you to look at.  

One of my last blogs was about magnesium deficiency which is worth a read as magnesium can play a part in anxiety levels.

Drinking enough water is also important.  Hydration has a major effect on energy levels and brain functionand some studies show that water is a great “anxiety quencher”. 

Imagination and guided visualisations

Children and teens with anxiety are usually very good at using their imagination, but they use it in a negative way so why not encourage them to use their imagination in a positive way? 

It’s easy to engage children with imagination.  When my children were young, I used imagination to help them through challenging situations eg when we were moving house I used the moving house fairy to help us through the process and when they started school we used the school fairy.  Use what your child relates to and if they want a dragon to help them then perfect. Our imaginations are way more powerful than we realise so it’s worth tapping into it.  

Guided visualisations are a great way to activate the imagination in a positive way and this is great for both children and teens.  They can listen to them when they go to sleep or a certain time during the day.  

Breathing

Breathing exercises can be a great tool and will really help in moments of stress and anxiety.  Taking deep breaths naturally calm the mind and body so encourage your child to do this if they feel an anxious moment coming on. One way to do this is to get them to imagine a birthday cake and slowly blow out the candles as you naturally take in a deep breath to do this.  Another way is to imagine you are blowing up a balloon and at the same time they can imagine they are blowing all of their worries into the balloon and then let it go to release all of the worries.

Sleep 

Sleep is really important and if we manage to get enough, it benefits both our mental and physical health.  A routine at bedtime can rally help and if going to sleep is a problem then guided visualisations or audio books are a great way of getting the child/teenager out of their heads so that they can then get to sleep.

Something to consider when you go to bed at night is to turn off the Wi-Fi.  Most people have Wi-Fi in their house, and we need it during the day but when you go to bed turn it off to give yourselves a break.  Sleep is one of the most important parts of a healthy lifestyle, and EMF radiation can dramatically affects our ability to get that sleep.  If your child is sensitive, it could be that they are also sensitive to the Wi-Fi.

A wish list Jar

We are all missing people at the moment and we’re missing the freedom to do what we want so to help with this why not get a wish list jar?  Every time you wish you could do something, go somewhere, treat yourselves, see someone you love, visit a new place, invite people to visit, write it down on a post it note and put it in a jar. When all this is over this will be your bucket list and you can work your way through the jar and be more grateful than ever for the little and lovely things in your lives. Until then enjoy watching the jar fill up with all the magical things to look forward to